A Breakdown Of How to Build Your Wedding Guest List

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When you’re newly engaged and trying to figure out the first steps of wedding planning, it can feel really overwhelming! You’re seemingly pulled in a million different directions trying to decide the right path forward. However, I’m here to tell you there is one key thing that will help decide so many other factors for your wedding planning: building your wedding guest list! 

Why Start with a Guest List?

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Building your guest list is a crucial first step into your wedding planning for so many reasons. First, it will be the deciding factor in your venue search. You can’t book a small garden venue if your guest list is reaching 300, and likewise, booking a large, expansive space for an intimate number of guests may not be the best use of your budget. Which brings me to my next reason why building your guest list is so important – it will give you and your partner an idea of your wedding budget. Consider the cost of food, drinks, favors, rentals, entertainment, etc. The more people you add, the higher your budget requirement. (For a breakdown of wedding costs, check out my FREE downloadable budget spreadsheet!) 

First Things First…

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I highly recommend you designate a specific time to sit down with your partner to create your guest list together. Start with your closest family members and friends; the “must be there” people. You know exactly who these people are just from your gut feeling. Don’t forget to include the people in your wedding party in this part. There can be as many or few people as you want, there’s no hard and fast rule here. Then I would add the guests that maybe you don’t see or speak to frequently but you still feel close to. Perhaps a long-distant childhood friend, or extended family member?

Lastly, you’ll have an idea of who else you’d love to have at your big day. Maybe it’s a co-worker or a newer friendship you’re developing. Whoever they are, remember: they won’t see this process. This is between you and your partner and you shouldn’t feel pressured to invite anyone you don’t want there. However, if you’re feeling like someone might have been accidentally skipped, you could ask a parent or someone close to you about an addition. I strongly suggest you do this only once you and your partner have a rough draft though. 

The Plus One Debate

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If you’re considering adding a plus one on your wedding guest list, getting the first rough draft is the best place to start. You’ll start to get a sense of the size of wedding you and your partner want to have and an idea of budget will start to form. Is there room to add plus ones for the single guests? This is a personal choice as a couple. You could offer a plus one across the board, or to individuals you know are in a committed relationship. And to be honest, this will come down to budget. If it’s important to you to allow your guests a plus one, then factor that into your wedding guest draft, assuming every guest you offer a plus one to, will bring someone. However, sometimes you can determine if a guest gets a plus one if they have been in a long term relationship and you know them. If they are casually dating, no need to feel obligated to have a stranger at your wedding.

Kids or No Kids?

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Possibly even more heavily debated than a plus one is whether or not kids should be invited to the wedding. Again, this is a very personal choice as a couple and should be decided with budget in mind. One option is to extend the invitation only to the children in the wedding party (if any). No matter what you decide, please make it very clear on the invitation and/or wedding website to avoid confusion with guests. And if an issue arises, address it directly with the parents.

If you do invite children,ask your catering about a children’s meal, or “kid-friendly” options at a buffet, (or hiring a separate catering company to make them). Additionally, having activities the kids would enjoy such as coloring pages at their seats will go a long way. There are also amazing options available for babysitters to come to the wedding and help entertain the kids so the parents can enjoy the festivities! Trust me, keeping your guests happy will bring so much joy to you big day, no matter their age. Lastly, if you have a guest who is nursing or newborns, please consider creating a space for them to have privacy, for example the getting-ready room.  

Save The Dates, Invitations and RSVP’s

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Once you have your guest list finalized, you can then jump into the other aspects of the wedding. I may be biased but I always recommend hiring a wedding planner as your first vendor, because they can help with your venue search and setting the appropriate budget based on the guest list. You can visit venues that you know will accommodate your guest size and that will help you set a date, which will lead you to sending Save The Dates, then invitations and eventually, gathering RSVPs. You can see how the ball really gets rolling and it all starts with your wedding guest list!   

I hope this was helpful, friends! This guideline is just to get you started and there are always exceptions. For example, if you’re planning a destination wedding, your guest list might look very different than if you were getting married locally.  Additionally, I want to emphasize that these are just guidelines. You do not need to invite anyone you do not want at your wedding. I am always telling my couples that this is their day! Don’t feel obligated to invite someone that you and your partner are not connected to. Just because your mom’s cousin’s best friend’s sister-in-law wants an invite, does not warrant one. Happy Planning friends!